Changes are a coming....

Things are busy in the Dear Family. Changes moving around in AbideWithHim world. I am working on changing up my blog and moving to another blog platform. I have secured a new website www.increasingheartandhome.com. It is up, but not much going on there yet. I am wanting to focus on a few things such at homeschooling, adoption and living with special needs child, and life in the ministry.

I hope to up and completely running soon. So hang in there with me.

 

Adoption is Hard (on the heart)

Yes, I said it - adoption is hard. Would I change it NO!! You see all the happy gotcha days, happy family pics, and all the kiddos doing wonderful. Don't get me wrong, adoption is one of the most wonderful things we have done as a family, but some days your heart just breaks. If you are reading this, please don't let this deter you. I just want to be real. It's hard to talk about this in person, so I am taking to writing just to get my thoughts out there.

When you adopt a special needs depending on the severity - there are doctor and/or hospital visits, therapies, and the seemingly endless tests. When adopting internationally there is the whole language barrier. As I wrote in the previous post, today 2 yrs ago was likely one of the worst days we ever had. But God in his mercy, save our daughter's life.

Many of you who have adopted know about the grief. I'm not sure about younger children, but our daughter was adopted at the age of 6 and boy did she grieve and still does to some extent.  Today was one of those days.  We have days where she talks about Chi*na and misses and wants to go back. There are also other days where she is afraid we are going to die and leave her too.  We were working on school and was very excited about her dad starting to work on building her a loft bed.  She has been begging for one and she could use the extra area in her room.

Every once in a while, she will talk about being afraid to die, or worried one of us would, but we reassure her and remind her God loves her and she will be ok. She would also worry what would happen to her if we did die. We also pray with her.  Today though just about broke my heart.  She was crying at her desk, and we decided to go upstairs to leave her sister alone to do school.  I just sat on the couch holding her while she cried and sobbed.  Then she said - "I don't want to lose you, I've already lost one family".  My heart just sank. I squeezed her a little harder and just prayed for her.  Hubby was there and we just looked at each other.  After that, there was no more school for the day - it was movies and Legos and cuddling on the couch. I worry about her health and all the things she has to endure with such strength.  I cannot replace her first mom, but I can love her do my best to let her know that I never plan to leave her.

Our other daughters will never go thru what Rae has, and they may never understand. So I just pray for the day she will be comforted with that fact that we as her family will never want to leave her, and that her Heavenly Father will never leave her.

Just Thinking...

It has been almost two years ago when we experienced one of the scariest days as a parents - seeing your daughter in a full blown seizure and there is nothing you can do. Our older girls have both had surgeries and were worried about those, but nothing prepared us for that morning. We were very worried, and all I could do was pray. We knew God was bigger than all of what were going thru. There was no one to be mad at. We could be mad at the Ch*nese orphanage or directors , but what good would that have been. They said they didn't know either. There were many ifs, but we had to accept that this was what God had planned for us. He was going to get us thru this. 

I hate to think if we had known everything, and we had said no to her referral. God is sovereign and he has big plans for our daughter. His plan may even be to trust Him even more, well then - let it be. I would not trade this journey with our little girl for anything. She has brought such joy in our lives, and we love seeing her learn new things especially her love for things of God.

This morning as we were driving into Children's Hospital this song was playing on the radio.  I'm reminded He is there and will always be.

Not For a Moment by Meredith Andrews

You were reaching through the storm 
Walking on the water 
Even when I could not see 
In the middle of it all 
When I thought You were a thousand miles away 
Not for a moment did You forsake me 
Not for a moment did You forsake me 

CHORUS 
After all You are constant 
After all You are only good 
After all You are sovereign 
Not for a moment will You forsake me 
Not for a moment will You forsake me 

You were singing in the dark 
Whispering Your promise 
Even when I could not hear 
I was held in Your arms 
Carried for a thousand miles to show 
Not for a moment did You forsake me 


And every step every breath you are there 
Every tear every cry every prayer 
In my heart at my worst 
When my world falls down 
Not for a moment will You forsake me 
Even in the dark 
Even when it's hard 
You will never leave me 
After all 

CHORUS 
Not for a moment will You forsake me

 

Quick update!

WOW! It is almost Christmas. I been wanting to sit down and compose different blogs, but I just haven't been able to compose a thought. I know some of you may want to know about our vacation. I thought I would give you a list form of update -

• Disneyworld - fun, great weather, long days, little overwhelming for the little one, and everybody hands-up!
• Beach - relaxing, too much food, and the girls loved snorkeling
• Hannah turned 15 - birthday party fun and wow she starts driving in 6 months.
• Homeschool Christmas Drama and District Honors Band - Canceled due to snow - Hannah was sad.
• My birthday - Got the FLU! Great gifts from hubby and the girls.
• Dave Koz and Friends - SURPRISE! great concert with great friends (B&R)
• Pictures with Santa - another fun year with kids who liked Santa and those who didn't
• Children's Choir - Rae had a solo and she did a wonderful job.
• Gotcha Day Today! Hard to believe it has been two years.

Little Girl Alone

Five years ago this month there was a little 3 year old girl found alone. She was wearing green clothes, a pair of jeans, and a pair of red leather shoes. She also had on a backpack with 3 changes of clothing.

Today this little girl is not alone and never will be again. She has a mom, dad, and 2 sisters. She is no longer and orphan. This Sunday is set aside as Orphan Sunday. Is there something you can do to help the over 140 million orphans out there?  Feel free to contact me for more info about our adoption or how you can help.



Our Adoption Journey to Rae from Donna Dear on Vimeo.

Asian Pear Time

Having a child from another country you learn about all kinds of new things. Frequently Rae has asked for me to buy pears, but usually they have not been in season or I would forget. I was recently with a friend who works for a local orchard and she informed me about Asian pears. I actually had never heard of them, but I did find them in the store and bought a couple of them for the little one. She loves them.

 The friend that works for the orchard told me that she always gets calls to when the Asian pears are ready to pick. So, I looked up on their website to see when they are ready and marked it on the calendar. This past Friday was the day. I heard they would go fast, so we headed out early to pick. Rae was so excited for just the two of us to go pick. We arrived with our bags, and she was determined to find the biggest pears she could find and reach.  It was little funny for myself to be in the minority there.  There were many there with large bags and wagons filled with these pears.  I was relieved to have gotten there early so we did not have to wait in the long line that had formed by the time we were finished.

It was fun picking the pears with Rae, and we have already decided to pick again next year.  I really liked the pears and trying to find some fun things to make with them.

looking for the right pear

Happy Birthday Little One!

Today we celebrate Rae's 8th birthday. She has come a long way and has been counting down the days till her birthday. Tuesday we had our family birthday meal which included going to see the Meatball movie as she calls it.  She had trouble deciding if she wanted spicy wings or spicy noodles.  Noodles won - PF Changs.

We will celebrate with some of her friends Saturday with a Dollie and Me Tea Party.  It is exciting to see her so happy about celebrating something that she has only been doing for now her second time.  I think last year she was still figuring it all out.  This morning she asked for heart shaped waffles, and we opened one of her presents.  This will be a 3 day celebration with tomorrow night the girls will have what they call "Sister Sleepover" when they sleep downstairs and watch movies and eat popcorn and snacks.  Different presents will be opened over these 3 days as well.

It is fun seeing her so excited.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRETTY GIRL!!!

Ok, that is just weird.

Couple of weeks ago, the little one had a several appointments with Children's - speech, neuro, and ophthalmologist. We rotate thru these doctors about every 3-6 months, so they fall usually within several days of each other. It makes for a crazy time especially when it is during tennis season. We thought her neuro visit would be routine, but it was determined the little episode she had this summer was in fact a seizure. Thankfully it was very mild and short compared to the last one, but it did mean that she did have to up her medicine. She has not had any seizures since she had been on the medicine, but it seems that the medication was keeping them from happening. This one broke thru the wall most likely because she was at the top threshold of her weight versus medication amount. This also meant the clock restarted for when she could come off the medication.

While we were dealing with this news, her platelet count had dropped earlier in the week - so we were monitoring that and hoping we were not going to have to get a treatment on top of an already crazy week.  She was to start getting her immunizations up to date, but now it was postponed again. As if this were not enough, we had the second follow-up visit with the eye doctor.  Thankfully her eyes are now almost perfectly aligned, but she is still seeing double.  We are hoping it is just her brain taking time to work around the damaged area to get to "normal". He is going to check the progress again in 3 months, but if it is not better she may have to get glasses fitted with prisms to help.  She usually doesn't complain about it, but I do find her closing one eye to block out the second image.

Here is the new wrinkle - sometime after her last eye surgery, an eyelash got into her eye and is now embedded in the eye membrane. YIKES!! It was not very comforting when the doctor said that is was only the SECOND time he had seen that. Thankfully she does not feel it. We have to watch it so it does not get infected or cause her problems.  Best case scenario is that it could dissolve, but if not he will have to surgically remove it. We do not want to have to do surgery again!

Even though all of this is going on, she is doing well in speech and is almost up to grade level.  She will see a reading specialist soon to check her progress and to see where she is.  She is excited that she has started her 3rd math book (MUS Beta) and continuing to work thru her phonics books in Explore the Code.  The big thing we work on is bringing up her vocabulary.  She knows and reads alot of words, but the meaning of those words are not always there.  It is fun seeing her unlock the code to reading words.

Has it been that long?

Two years ago today, the girls and I were working on cleaning out the basement storage. We were working hard, when my phone rang. It was a call from Virginia. I thought it was odd for our agency to call out of the blue. We had been waiting several months on those late night calls when referrals would come in, but our phone never rang on the those nights. So, I answered the phone, and it was Amy our coordinator. She said that they had just received a referral for a 6 year old girl whose special need was a maybe on our list.  Did we want to look at her file? Yes, we were interested in looking at her file.  After trying to get hubby on the phone, we looked at her file and happily sad yes to this little girl whose smile we fell in love with.  What a journey it has been, but one we would do over again.

Funny that today we are still working on the basement, but it is now being turned into our new schoolroom/craft room/office (will post pics later).

Tuesday Flashback Fun

I was looking thru some photos from last year and found this one. It was a nice warm day and we were getting the "redneck" slip-n-slid ready for Memorial Day. She loved playing in the scooter, but no the slid too much. She has changed so much in a year.

18 Months

Has it really been 18 months since that day in Chengdu when Yang Rui became Rae Michelle Dear. A LOT has happened in the last 18 months. There have been great days and some horrible days. God has blessed us with this amazing little girl who is full of wonder and many questions. She is making great strides in her language thanks to her awesome speech therapist. We seem to have her blood disorder more manageable, and we do not have to do weekly platelet counts.  She will have have her second eye surgery (hopefully the last)this summer. She has also been seizure free which is truly a miracle.  She has defied science and baffled doctors of how well she is doing. We do still have a medical thing or two creep in occasionally (like missing a permanent tooth and no wisdom teeth), but we mostly just laugh and move on.

Yes, we found out she is missing a permanent tooth, one of the front teeth.  I just laughed when the dentist told me, what else was I to do.  Thanks to our wonderful orthodontist, we are waiting till all her permanent teeth come in before they do an implant.  Thankfully she has plenty of space in her mouth.

Rae is an amazing little girl, and it is fun to watch her get excited about things and learn new things. Our family has been so blessed by her.  I can't wait to see what God has in store for her.

Our first family photo 18 months ago

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Our Family Story in Print

Since becoming a family who has adopted an older child, we have wanted to share our story.  Our first one was in our local newspaper not long after coming home.  God called us to this, and we want to be used by Him. We want to be an encouragement for other families, and potentially a resource for them.  

Through this we have been able to share our story not only on this blog, but in other sources.  We were recently featured in the CHEO Ohio Homeschool Companion for Sept/Oct. Our family was one of three interviewed for the current issue.  

The second was a blog of a friend of ours, Amy Mozombite.  I was able to answer some questions for her Adoption Mama section of her blog. Check out the rest of her blog as well.  She and her family are serving as missionaries in Bolivia.

There is another article in the works, and I will let you know when it appears.

Our new family photo thanks to LENS Photography.

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Nine months and a Vacation

It is hard to believe it has been 9 months since we became a party of five. I think I did miss the 8 month update, but we were on vacation - a much needed vacation.  The last couple of months have been busy. A couple of highlights of our trip to Myrtle Beach were:

• Rae's first time to the beach
• Loving eating seafood
• Having wonderful family time
• Having friends down for a weekend
• Pirates and Mermaids
• Riding the Caterpillar and a few others rides.
• Getting to go to Alabama to see Nana, Papa Jim and the puppies
  

Fun, fun, and more fun...

Before we went on vacation Rae had her eye surgery and her nose cauterized.  She did great, and her vision is almost back to normal.  Getting her eyes working together caused a little double vision, but it should hopefully clear up soon.  Her health has been good, and we have had no hospital visits other than finger sticks.  She has also not had any nosebleeds.  Her last neurology appointment went well too. 

I had ankle surgery after getting back from vacation, so that delayed the start of school.  I am still recovering from it.  So, the girls started after Labor Day, and it is going well.  Hannah is in 8th and is working on doing more independent studying. She happy to be back in art, band, and drama. She is also playing keyboard in the praise band on Sunday mornings until I get back to playing again.  She is also still playing in youth praise band.  Hannah is also excited for her new piano teacher, especially getting to play in more competitions and festivals.  Emily is in now in 6th grade.  She is working a little more independent as well.  This year like her sister she is playing on the Granville Middle School tennis team.  She is also in band, art, drama, and continuing her trumpet lessons.  Rae has started doing more school this year.  She will start tennis back up soon and is also in a drama/art class for little kids and loved the first class.  In school, we are working on learning her letter sounds, addition facts, and we do a lot of read alouds. 

Next week we will be celebrating Rae's 7th birthday.  We are planning a small party with a couple of friends from church and family.  She is very excited to get to dress up and wear her "kong-kong" shoes.

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I want to use our blog to encourage and share our story. 

Strabismus Repair Day

Today was surgery day for Rae. She had her eyes fixed and her nose cauterized. At some point in time in her life, likely resulting from her stroke, her eyes started drifting or what is called strabismus.  It is not always noticeable to most, but it is worse when she is tired or crying.  We were not sure if we should get it repaired, but after consulting an pediatric ophthalmologist we went ahead with the surgery.  Without repair she would likely lose some of her side vision and her depth perception.  It is a fairly simple procedure done as an outpatient procedure.

This morning we headed out bright and early before 5 am for her surgery at Children's.  She did great and actually did not need any meds to calm her down.  Most of the time she has to go to hospital she get to play on the iPad or my phone.  She thought she was going to get to do the same today, but she was sad when she found out there would be no computer this time. She didn't remember much from the last time she had surgery, which was good.  We did find out she was sad and cried when she went into surgery.  It was funny when I asked her what she wanted to take - her blanket, pillow, and panda all got to go with us this morning, and they also went into surgery with her. It did make my day when I walked into PACU that she wanted her mommy and was calling for me.

Rae came thru both of her procedures just fine.  Having her IVIG  infusion last week helped get her counts up, which would cut down on any extra oozing, and it definitely helped today.  The ENT was able to cauterized several vessels in her nose, and he said we should see a very marked difference. This will be a nice break from having nose bleeds that could send us to the ER.  Her eye procedure went well too.  Her eyes are red right now and has double vision.  They are bothering her, especially right after she came out to recovery. We are having to stay close to her because if she has to move around she is still a little dizzy.  It is funny because she is wanting to do it herself, so she scoots or crawls around.  The part she is not liking are the eye drops - she was not happy with mom!

Thank you to everyone who has been praying.  We are very grateful. 

In the Trenches

It has been a crazy couple of weeks around the Dear house, but really when has it not.  Juggling three girls and all their stuff - I'm tired.  In a period of 3 weeks we have had 4 doctors appointments, tennis games, tennis practice, tennis tournament, trumpet lessons, band, middle school solo & ensemble, homeschool recital, a stay in the day hospital for an IVIG infusion, blood draws, and somewhere in there we did school.

Rae is doing well.  She has had no more seizures - PTL! Her platelet count is up in the normal range thanks to her IVIG treatment.  We should get 4-8 weeks of good number with this before having to do it again. We do hope this is the answer, and there is no more seek and find.  There are other doctor appoints we have to go to, and decisions of possible surgery coming up on her eyes and getting her nose cauterized.  We are really getting to know our way around Children's Hospital.  Her English is doing great, but it has been a little more difficult to get her to do school some days. We were proud of her when she sang "Jesus Loves Me" at the CFE recital. I think a few of us may have teared up.

Hannah and Emily are doing great as well.  Our family enjoyed watching Hannah play one of the dwarfs in the CFE Drama production of "Fairy Tale Courtroom-REMIXED". She loves drama class and looking forward to next year.  She also played in her first tennis tournament.  While she didn't win, she played really well and all her games were close.  Emily is really doing well in her trumpet lessons and did an awesome job on her solo at the homeschool recital.  Last week she got to play in the advanced band for the first time.  Both girls did fabulous! 

In the coming weeks, we are trying to finish up some things in school, and next week we are going to do their Iowa testing.  I just hope I can keep Rae from distracting them.  My mom is coming in 2 weeks, and will get to see Rae for the first time.   I cannot believe Emily will be 11, and so we are working on that party.  I am looking forward to bringing back a Dear Family Memorial Day tradition - Low Country Shrimp Boil with a new addition of crawfish - fresh from Louisiana.

Thanks everyone for your prayers through all of this.  We are truly grateful!